Presentation 1 by alfie gunter on Scribd
Animation
Film review
Life Drawing
Maya
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After some talks, I was advised to step away from my sketch book and try using a different medium on a bigger scale. I then got... -
Presentation 1 by Alfie Gunter on Scribd
OGR 09/02/2018
ReplyDeleteHey Alfie - okay - so your script is nearly there - I do have these observations to make however: 1) I think we need to be told a little more about the Tattoo Artist's modus operandi - or more simply, we need to be shown more of what he's been doing to the bodies. This could be as simple as we see a montage of newspaper stuff saying 'Victim's bodies carved with same mysterious symbol', 'Police baffled to Killer's identity' and so on - I just feel like we don't know enough about the killer yet and it's not completely clear. I also think your ending needs a tweak because it seems to me that it makes much more sense if the killer sets-up his own celebrity as opposed to gaining it by default. What this guy really wants is a) an audience and b) his face in the papers and c) for his name to live forever - therefore, it seems odd to me that he should get these things by accident by falling to his death. If you imagine that the whole thing has been about getting the detective to be in the right place at the right time, doesn't it make more sense that the killer gets the detective to do something that triggers his own death (which he is in control of) - so instead of 'stopping the killer' he 'completes the killer's plan'? I'd look at your ending - consider something along these lines:
The killer makes the detective shoot him - which he does - and the killer falls, but as he does we see there's a rope tied to his ankle, so the killer falls like a weight, which raises the curtain in the theatre to reveal that, on the stage - he's created this grisly tableaux of murder victims - his masterpiece - and maybe we discover that the audience is full of journalists - and that this was part of the killer's plans the whole time - to ensure the press were there to witness it - thus creating the final cover image of the Penny Dreadful... it's not this maybe, but there must be some relationship I think to the detective being led to the theatre by the mark on the body, the killer being fully aware of this, and using the theatre setting to stage some kind of final elaborate stunt that assures your killer's infamy in the serial killers hall of fame forever...
I do think you should explore much greater stylisation in terms of your approach to your characters, Alfie - at the moment, you're sort of stuck in a 'drawing things realistically' rut and I think you should bust out of this and go for something a bit more 'Caligari' or more obviously gothic - you're telling a pretty nasty story after all... take a look at these designs from the Corpse Bride for example - just look at how 'shape-based' and exaggerated they are:
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d6/7c/72/d67c722931872274e240251e54a0d734.jpg
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b9/cc/f8/b9ccf82a7b7206dc94b144e051352acb.jpg
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/90/9a/92/909a922ff0cfaf6c798c62413bc28fc4.jpg
http://membership.creativetalentnetwork.com/uploads/participantBanner/AX_7J97.jpg
In terms of your approach to your environments too...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flKOtXC4oyM
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/00/78/e9/0078e9a178c53f1f1cb71988ca34f5cc.jpg
https://one1more2time3.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/rooty-toot-toot-john-hubley-upa-1951-a.jpg
I think you need to embrace the gothic, expressionistic qualities of your stories; you're telling a story of madness and murder and perhaps your whole world view could express this?
http://www.luminous-lint.com/imagevault/html_59501_60000/59785_std.jpg
Just in terms of your storyboarding - I think you need to look to bringing out a bit more dynamism in your shots - think about use of more skewed horizons to promote a sense of threat etc - and when it comes to your climactic scenes with running and interactions with the killer - I think need to commit to more shots (panels) to create this excitement - otherwise you may struggle to create an animatic that truly communicates.
ReplyDeleteSo short version - in story terms - tweak the front and the back of your story - it feels like we need to be told a bit more about the killer and get a better sense of what he's doing and I think you need to revisit the third act in terms of the Killer's big finish. It's a bit like the detective loses the moment he does the right thing and the killer gets exactly what he wants - even in death. In terms of your approach to the production design for this story - embrace the expressionism and the madness and the fact you're basically making a horror film really.
You might want to look at the various techniques associated with 'film noir' - which is a genre of film that originated from German expressionism. Film noir is a crime-genre, but associates with strong use of black and white and shadow...
http://www.luminous-lint.com/imagevault/html_59501_60000/59785_std.jpg
http://revealbaltimore.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/NOTHPic.png
Okay! I'll make a start on this now
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